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4 Reasons Why Narcissists Ignore You
Narcissists Ignore You for Reasons You May Not have thought OF... Let's explore
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be infuriating. It is NOT like most relationships.
It can take years or even decades to uncover and see through the masks they so cleverly wear. Their disguise is perfected, polished, and preserved – even from those they closely associate with.
Most people are drawn in by their wittiness, smile, and candor, and may be quickly enticed by their flattery and knowledge. On the outside and especially around others, they will appear to be charming, attentive, and treat you kindly, but when in a one-on-one encounter they are absent, disconnected, deliberately unaware of your needs, and lack empathy to feel your pain or viewpoint from your side.
In this article, we will address why the narcissist ignores your needs and especially finds a way to not be present when you need them the most.
Table of Contents
Why do Narcissists Ignore?
They Love the Reaction
Narcissists seek supply, and this can come in the form of your reaction, good or bad, in any situation.
The supply gives them life and satisfaction for the moment; however, narcissists seek continual supply – there is no end. They feel valued, important by receiving supply and especially from their main source of supply (typically spouse or relationship partner).
A narcissist feeds on your energy toward them- they are supply hunters.
When in a relationship with a narcissist, realize it’s not about you. It will always be about them. There is no changing this with a narcissist.
The greatest fear for the narcissist is running out of supply, with no one to feed them the emotional energy of life.
Their greatest fear for the narcissist is running out of supply, with no one to feed them their emotional energy of life.
Lynn Nichols
When the narcissist ignores needs in a relationship, they do this to deliberately to set up their future self with a source of supply.
Ignoring you means they win.
Narcissists enjoy that you wish to discuss things with them. The greater your reaction to their obtuse behavior, the greater the supply for them.
A narcissist is looking for your reaction, good or bad, to anything they do, or not do. It feeds their soul, and gives them a sense of purpose for their existence on earth. If they can cause you to have a reaction, they win and yes, it is a game to a narcissist.
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You Keep Coming Back
One trait most narcissists are drawn to in others, is persistence and determination, along with the bootstrap philosophy to get things accomplished. Too, they seek out empathic individuals, who will keep giving and giving, so they can see if they have the ability using their control and manipulation tactics, to try to destroy this person from the inside.
As stated above it is a game and according to the narcissist, they are the queen and the king on both sides of the chess game arranging the pieces and striking when cleverly orchestrated.
Narcissists believe if they ignore your requests for their guidance, input, suggestions, or feedback that this will cause: (1) a reaction, which is essential for the narcissist; and (2) you will keep on going back to them to resolve; and (3) the narcissist believes you will keep going back to them, with escalated reactions, and this is a wonderful supply for them – which is all they care about; and (4) the narcissist can use the encounters to create circular conversations, to blame-shift and avoid accountability, to gaslight and create a disturbance.
They have no intention or desire to resolve the issue. They only want the source of supply, and they love to get creative with it.
They Feel Needed
A narcissist loves that you care what they think, want to engage in meaningful conversation and want them to be part of your life. While they placate you into believing they want the same, they really only care about you providing them with supply.
They will appease you, if it only will get them what they want. They will pretend to care about your needs for a time, but it will be short-lived and will lack immediate impact.
They will ignore you so they feel needed. It is backward and twisted. They will tell you what you want to hear in the love-bombing stage, and make you feel special and that they care for you, but the evidence will be lacking.
A narcissist will only do certain things so they can get the return they are looking for. The narcissist only gives so they can take.
A narcissist enjoys the attention from you to include them, but they will have constant ulterior motives at bay and cannot be trusted.
On a side note, be careful in needing a narcissist. Once they feel they have won you over, a greater level of manipulation will occur. The game at this point is for them to see how obnoxious their behavior can get, knowing that you are on their side. They will test your loyalty and how well you can be controlled. Your behavior in responding to a narcissist, is always observed by them, as they plan their next steps.
Related: Do Boundaries Really Work with Narcissists? Learn Effective Strategies
Related: Why Narcissists Struggle with Empathy: Understanding the Science Behind their Behavior
Related: Understanding Why Narcissists Create Chaos
Related: You Must Protect Yourself from Their Emotional Manipulation, Learn Strategies
It's an Opportunity
Everything is an opportunity to a narcissist. When a narcissist ignores you, it’s an opportunity to create chaos and drama, higher reactions, to gaslight, to manipulate, to twist the situation around, and to blame you.
It’s an opportunity to create circular, confusing conversations, and to stir up emotions, and bring up discussions from the past. They love to be in control of all the madness they have deliberately created, and they love seeing the confused look because it provides supply to them.
Narcissists feel like the puppet-master pulling the strings. They are in control, and enjoy the conversational entanglement they create on purpose. It’s truly an art, a wicked, evil-spirited art from the depths of the pit of hell.
It’s a game, and you are the target, for a time, anyway, until they can replace you with a greater source of supply. Then, they move on, keeping an eye on you in mysterious ways, until they can seek supply from you in the future, should their reserve run low.
Bonus
If you get upset with the narcissist for ignoring you, they may have a typical response of laughing at you, or responding in jest, why is this?
- They enjoy your reaction to them ignoring you. The greater your reaction, the more they will ignore. It has the opposite effect.
- Narcissists are not trying to have a meaningful relationship with you, contrary to what you may believe. They are only after supply. This is a hard token to swallow. Many people get stuck at this particular point.
- By laughing at you, they hope this will cause you to be upset further, which is a greater reaction, and it will make their day when you are upset at their lack of care and concern.
- Now if you get real angry since you are in a relationship with someone, who you believe has the same goals, this will be the biggest surprise. The narcissist wants you to have an all-out upset raucous and the moment you do, the narcissist will remember this time, and use it against you.
In Conclusion
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging, but learning to know how the narcissist behaves, can assist in learning techniques and ways of handling.
When the narcissist ignores you, they are creating a source of supply.
If you find yourself in this situation, the grey rock technique can assist.
If you are seeking assistance in how to heal, recover and take your life back after narcissistic abuse, click here.
I have experienced extreme mental abuse and some physical. But mostly , he threatened me mentally, ignoring me on a very regular basis, by locking himself in his bathroom for hours. He did this when the mood struck him. He would be ok and then suddenly his mood would change and he would lock himself in the bathroom, with me ending up begging him ti come out. It felt awful, but I never just walked away. He also blamed me for anything I told him about my past, at first acting as if he was merely interested in me. He never really gave me much attention. I was always doing what he was doing. He did nit care about anything I wanted to do. He was also jealous of everyone. Even his own children.
My response is written above. Is about how mentally abusive he was . He gave me the silent treatment constantly, by locking himself in his bathroom for hours, while I begged him to come out.