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3 Uncommon Benefits of Being the Family Scapegoat*

In a Narcissistic family cult, ah, I mean, unit, there are characters, just like in a movie set, yes actors, that play a certain role for the duration of the movie.

In a narcissistic family, the characters, namely the sons, daughters, parents, etc., play a role, and the role is typically for life, or as long as they choose to remain enmeshed within the family unit.

The actors within this dysfunctional family structure are: the Family Scapegoat, The Golden Child and one or more Narcissistic Parents and an Enabler. There are additional roles, but today, we are going to simplify these roles and discuss why the Family Scapegoat has benefits, uncommon benefits, that is.

See Guide to Narcissistic Terms

What is the Family Scapegoat?

First, let’s do a quick definition of the family scapegoat within a narcissistic family environment.

The Scapegoat is typically the member of the family that takes the blame by the family for any negative issues undeservedly. The scapegoat did not pick to be this role nor can do anything to change it. They are the ones who are also known as the “black sheep” of the family.

The Scapegoat takes the heap of the family abuse on them and often grows up under this duress thinking it’s normal until they observe other family structures and/or have a wake-up moment.

The scapegoat is meant to feel responsible for the family affairs, feel guilt, carry the load of family shame, are often neglected and discarded. The scope and ramifications are wide stretching and have lasting impact on the scapegoat child in which we will discuss in another article.

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*The following are not in all situations of being the scapegoat, but in many cases.

1. The Scapegoat Has THE COURAGE to Leave the Family Unit

Once the scapegoat learns they have been scapegoated and are meant to be responsible for the negative issues of the family and to carry the load and burden thereof, they are the party that is most likely to not only to create an exit plan, but they often times, manage to escape the family unit entirely.

The scapegoat has the best chance of survival by managing to leave this destructive family unit. Now, the escape is not easy. It is often burdensome and difficult to leave the family unit and this is where their courage comes into play.

When the scapegoat leaves the family unit, not only will there be an attack (smear campaign) on the scapegoat, but the entire family unit must re-shift.

The scapegoat views leaving the narcississtic abusive family as necessary for survival once they realize the big scale / large impact of remaining. They get the courage to leave, knowing there may be ramifications if they stay and if they go. If any party of the dysfunctional narcissistic family unit is going to disembark, it is going to be the scapegoat.

Once the scapegoat comes up with a well-formulated plan after having their eyes opened and they can see the abuse, they make the move with courage they may not have known before and set off to take a new path in life apart from being the scapegoated individual.

The scapegoat sets off on a healing and recovery path and forms new relationships and changes the trajectory of their life.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, please take precaution as the risk is high upon the immediate exit of the relationship. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA) 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) if you are in immediate danger.

2. The Scapegoat leaves the path of destruction behind them

The scapegoat sees through the B.S. (all the deception, lies, love-bombing and devaluing) and chooses to have no part in it. Many scapegoats have chosen to institute a No Contact policy – even with their family.

No Contact is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. No Contact is to literally have no further contact with the narcissistic abuser. or abusive family unit or member(s). It’s to draw a line in the sand and to say no more.

The scapegoat goes off to start a new life. The scapegoat is now in charge and is not a victim of their circumstances. They have taken the front seat to live a different life and no longer serve in the role as scapegoat. They do the hard inner work to heal.

The Scapegoat, even though it has been stated they suffer from low-self esteem and low self-worth by being the brunt of the family for years, or decades, finds not only the courage to leave the family unit, but many times, are the ones to become vocal about the abuse that has occurred.

They seek the emotional help and support they need to recover and get well.

The Scapegoat has the highest probability of seeing through the B.S. and has evaluated the consequences of leaving the dysfunctional family unit and takes the calculated risk.

The scapegoat is the party within the family unit, that has the greatest chance to seeing through the charade.

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3. Scapegoats Become Healers

Scapegoats, since they have been there, often help others to become aware of narcissistic abuse within a dysfunctional family structure and help others to recover.

Scapegoats typically are empathic and can empathize with others easily. Many scapegoats, after they have gone through a healing and recovery journey, choose to be a resource for those who were victims of narcissistic abuse. Many have been asking they can start a website or a blog to share their story, this is a great idea stay tuned for more information on this topic (just released).

In Conclusion

Being the family scapegoat has sometimes been portrayed in a negative light. In this article we point out the positive and yet uncommon benefits of being the scapegoated child. Starting over for many can be the break they have been looking for…how about you, were you or are you the family scapegoat? Join our Private Facebook Group.