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Retrain the Brain after a relationship with a narcissist
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The brain is magical, studies have shown the brain remembers the past and can hold on to ideologies that we have been taught – whether good or bad.
Research has estimated that we think up to 70,000 thoughts in a day – every day. Are these thoughts helpful and beneficial to our mental well-being in recovering from narcissistic injury? Let’s take a closer look.
When our brain and body remember, we can subconsciously perform in ways that are predicable according to how we have lived in the past. Without dutiful and deliberate change, we will think the same, we will perform the same, and we will be stuck in our same muck.
Even after years of gaslighting, emotional abuse or manipulation and false truths, messages can be buried deep within the brain – and the brain remembers it. Sometimes this can even occur with our own subconscious reinforcement. Our brain remembers and subsequently our body remembers. It remembers the pain.
We have to retrain the brain to move forward by creating new memories and let go of the things in the past. We literally have to create new mindsets. Things in the future will not always be perfect, but resetting our mindset will get us to the next step.
In this article, we are going to discuss 5 ways to retrain our brain so we can move forward past the past, create new mindsets and retrain our brain to get out of our past repeated patterns which are detrimental and lead to our own personal reinjury.
Watch the Video Here!
See Your Uniqueness
Step back and see the beauty of who you are. You have been born for such a time as this. I love how Mel Robbins summarizes how unique we are. Our own DNA is like no other on this planet. We were created by two individuals for this exact day and age. We were gifted with talents and skills (known and unknown) to adapt and learn and to be who we are.
There is no one else like you and there will never be another one like you.”
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There is no one else like you, and there will never be another one like you. There have been diseases and plagues, wars, famines and catastrophes for many generations, and we have made it to be alive today for this day and age. There has got to be a purpose to our existence. Retrain your brain to see this uniqueness and generate a list of talents, abilities, that showcase your skills, strengths, things you have overcome, things you are dang proud of. Go ahead make a list. Keep this list nearby.
Stop Wasting Years of your Life
We can waste years of our lives being stuck and stagnant by viewing ourselves in improper light. I am not talking about having unrealistic expectations or telling ourselves lies to move forward, but have a grip on the past, having experiences validated and coming to terms with it, acceptance on a deep level and then choosing to move forward – even if that means while limping on one leg for a while.
I believe we can take the concerted effort to move forward, sometimes we need a kick in the pants to do so. No one may tell us, “It’s Time” sometimes we have to tell to our self – and for those of us that need to hear someone else tell us, it’s time, sorry, that has to come from you.
Related: Overcome Self-Blame and Shame
Determine Your Path
You determine your path. You determine your future and you will also determine what you will concentrate on. This is your life.
There are some victims of narcissistic injury that have found a new identity in being a victim – they never get past the stage and see them self as a permanent victim. We want to move past the past, take with us the new skills to learn new things, retrain the brain, create new mindsets and to be better for it.
Is it easy to move forward? No, it’s not. We may have been in toxic relationship for years. Decades.
Moving forward takes strength from within. It takes a concerted effort to turn the page. What I am asking you to do is to turn the page today. It’s okay if the page has spots and wrinkles on it. That’s what makes the page so beautiful. It’s not ordinary. It’s unique, different, weathered and it has grown.
CAST DOWN OLD PATTERS OF THOUGHT AND REPLACE
As we are retraining the brain to re-think and to create a new mindset, there may be thoughts of victim mentality and the feelings of not being “good enough” or whatever the internal dialogue is. We must first recognize this language as an old way of thinking and to literally “cast it down.” See the impact of the destructive thoughts – the brain is used to thinking a certain way. We have to catch it in action and then choose to replace it.
Science has researched the link between our thoughts and our physical health. What we allow to fester in our brain, will grow and flourish. We get to choose what we focus on. What will you choose today?
Take Inventory
It’s time to take inventory of these thoughts and kick out those that do not belong. It can be a mental struggle and in the beginning of this process IT IS a mental war. We have to wage war on these thoughts and after time they will disappear and no longer carry the sting of pain they once had or the memories that stung. The memories will fade and we will see things in a new light.
We must replace them with the truth and in the value we bring. Cast them down and kick out the lies. The longer we are no contact with an unhealthy toxic individual, the sooner we can begin to see clearer.
This is going to take time and repeated effort to create new healthy neurotransmitters (the brain is absolutely amazing!) to grow and flourish. We have to be mindful of what our brain is focusing on and to keep it in check. We can change what we think about over time. It’s a continued effort to replace the old patterns with new ones!
OVERCOME FALSE POSITIVITY
In the US, there has been a growing culture of what I will call the positivity movement. This is the notion or teaching that we must think positive thoughts only. It’s the ideology that positive thinking fixes everything. Everything is wonderful and our day is spectacular.
We exclaim outwardly with smiles and exuberance, all with this fake false positivity that is enforced everywhere we turn. This ideology has grown exponentially in recent years, but the undertones have been embedded in our culture for many years.
We are expected to be happy, have no problems, and our lives are glamorous. Social media exemplifies this behavior as the outward socially acceptable way to interact and it can leach into our patterns and way of thinking the more it is reinforced.
We have to have realistic expectations to listen to what we are saying to ourselves, or what has been taught, and to examine it to see if it is beneficial to our well-being and proper mental state. We do not have to abide in this false positivity B.S. or lies to keep up with this culture. It’s as a way of shutting down authenticity. Be real. Be in your moment and speak your truth. Please check out 49 Powerhouse Affirmations that are geared to be real, authentic, a little deep, yet at the same time set the tone for a proper and healthy mindset, after overcoming narcissistic abuse.
STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP FOR WHATEVER
Start Today
There will be setbacks. As we learn to adopt new behaviors and new patterns of thinking, our brain will have a natural tendency to go back to what is familiar. It may be a constant struggle to get a clear head and to move forward.
Continue to recognize the thoughts that are destructive, and that do not assist in moving forward after toxic narcissistic abuse. These thoughts have been bringing you pain for a while. It’s okay to have setbacks, but remember where the horse is and get back up on it. We have to take personal responsibility for the next stage of recovery and get back into life.
Start today with an awareness that new thoughts and new patterns of thinking can be created. Be willing to follow through and hold yourself accountable to the changes you want to see. Allow yourself to see your future in an amazing and powerful light filled with hope and new adventures. Realize that you have the power to choose and the circumstances that you were in can be used for the good. Allow for the rebirth of new healthy mindsets which can and will exponentially catapult your future!
The mind is amazingly powerful. It has the ability to create new memories, and new neurotransmitters replacing the old unhealthy viewpoints and messages that were reinforced through gaslighting and manipulation.
It takes time with repeated and a clear and deliberate focus to embark on a journey to tear down the lies we were taught and embrace the truth. We must want to change. We must have the desire to move past it. We must display willingness with action. Our next journey is on the horizon.
In Conclusion
The mind is amazingly powerful. It has the ability to create new memories, and new neurotransmitters replacing the old unhealthy viewpoints and messages that were reinforced through gaslighting and manipulation.
It takes time with repeated and a clear and deliberate focus to embark on a journey to tear down the lies we were taught and embrace the truth. We must want to change. We must have the desire to move past it. We must display willingness with action. Our next journey is on the horizon.
The brain is the most complex organ in our body. Practically all other parts of the human body are already an open book for us, but the brain still raises a lot of questions among scientists. Thank you very much for the ways to retrain the brain shown here.