5 Tactics Used by Narcissists to Wreck Your Sanity
Narcissists are infamous for using tactics to get their target to act and think in a certain way. Their tactics are vast and are unseen especially in the beginning of a relationship. They hope they are never found out, while subtly increasing their level of control and manipulation. After time, their mask slips, and we can detect the chronic behaviors they do not want seen.
In this article, we are going to discuss five tactics narcissists commonly use. The purpose of itemizing these tactics is so we can detect and see the deception, clear as day, drop a note in the comments if you have witnessed these tactics.
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False Apologies
The narcissist does not oblige with being responsible for their own actions. They dismiss them as no big deal due to their lack of empathy. Therefore, when you seek their reckoning with truth and to be held accountable for what offense they have caused, they will send a false apology.
Have you heard the following?
- “I am so sorry you feel that way.”
- “I am sorry you think I did that.”
It may sound like an apology. They are hoping you will buy it. They are hoping since the word, sorry, is in the sentence that it placates you. They are hoping it satisfies you and therefore will stop pestering them for a true heartfelt apology with changed behavior.
It’s not a sincere apology. They simply mouthed the words. They have no intention to change anything and has deflected from taking responsibility for the infraction.
They have in the very same sentence, put the responsibility on you. They are saying what you feel is wrong (whatever the issue is). They are not saying I am sorry for what I have done. They deflect.
Lack of Validation
In a healthy conversation, there is both the listening and speaking elements of a conversation. When the conversation changes as both parties interact, commonly there is validation, which is letting the other party know they have been heard. It’s respectful and it generates an atmosphere in which conversation can flow freely since both parties feel like they have been heard, and the exchange can form a healthy bond, even if parties do not agree on a topic. When in relationship with a narcissist, the element of validation is missing.
When seeking validation on a topic, the narcissist will not provide. They will pretend they did not hear you. They may ignore your request altogether. They will override your question or statement which calls for their input and put the focus back on themselves. So, you ask again, perhaps you ask in a different way, clearer to obtain a response, maybe they didn’t hear you? At second pass, still no validation. The subject has now been deliberately changed, a diversion tactic.
So, now you have to think if you have to try to re-phrase a third time or just give up and let it go. That is exactly what the narcissist wants you to do. They don’t want you pestering them (that is how they view it) with questions they may be held accountable for answering, no matter how big or small. They will be dismissive of your request and will ignore you. Later on, they will even claim you never said anything and that you should have brought up the subject. They are gaslighting and manipulating you.
Related: Why does the Narcissist Ignore?
The relationship quickly breaks down due to lack of validation. The victim feels like they have not been heard, which increases feelings of unworthiness, and creates lack of self-confidence. The lack of validation in communication, further silences the victim. They don’t wish to speak up anymore. Silence then becomes preferred, and the narcissist has trained their victim to keep quiet. The abuser can continue to abuse. It’s a win for the narcissist but devastating to the victim.
The narcissist is unable to form a bond, a solid connection with you which is imperative in intimate relationships. They cannot and will not validate your concerns, which isolates and alienates you in the relationship. Your thoughts and desire to connect, is of no concern to the narcissist. They are not there for your needs. They are not looking to build a solid relationship built on trust and mutual responsibility, respect and sharing.
Narcissists are master manipulators. They have mastered their trade through the years to perfect it.
Forgetful of Birthdays/Special Occasions
Dare you speak up that you should have a card or a gift or treated special for your birthday or special occasion and you wish you never said anything. According to the narcissist, you don’t deserve to be treated special. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
At the same time, when you take your partner out for a special occasion to celebrate, they will put it down and say we are going here? Why would you think this would be something I wanted to do? It will never be enough.
Playing Victim
In a conversation with a narcissist, if you try to explain how you feel about a subject, they will switch gears into being the victim.
They have the poor-me mentality. After a breakup or divorce, they perpetuate themselves as the one with devastating loss. “They left me.” They see themselves as a victim to garner support; however, they are the ones inflicting the pain.
Intimidation
A narcissistic emotional abuser will intimidate you to get you to operate under their control. They will intimidate through fear. Some examples they will use are body stances, facial expressions that show their disapproval. They will raise their voice, scream, and yell. They bully and threaten. These are all methods to get you to back down from them and change your behavior to get back in alignment.
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Have you seen these tactics play out in your relationship(s)? What other tactics have you seen? Drop a comment below!
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