Bell Hooks - Ep. 79 Deconstructing Masculinity and this Incredible Patriarchy

Review on Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

Bell Hooks: I will give a standing ovation to Bell Hooks who bravely, accurately, boldly, and thoroughly has taken on the challenge to deconstruct the patriarchy from a calm and educational point of view, she did it in 2004, 20 years ago and she nailed it.

In this day and age, as the tide is turning, and we are not sure which way is up regarding gender roles, masculinity, patriarchy, love and relationships, the gender wars and all that is going on, go to your library or hop on Amazon and get the book, or get the audio version, and yes disclaimer, we are an amazon affiliate and we may earn a commission by this link below.

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love

The following is also an episode on the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast

Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast

Host: Lynn Nichols

Before women throw another stone at the men for failing to deliver what women expected a man to do, and erase all our empathy, and compassion, first learn about the system of the patriarchy, and how men are also harmed, and let’s tackle this together.

There is so much to learn.

Yes, both sexes are throwing online rocks at each other.

Women are mad, understandably so, I am one of them.

We have angst at the way men have treated us historically.

We are not pointing to one man, but men in general.

But we are also mad at the hierarchical system that is the structure behind it. We can be mad at both.

How women are treated by society, not respected, the wage gap, loss of income from years of slave labor to husbands (up to hundreds of thousands of dollars lost over a lifetime), our free labor minimized, and our life plan was redirected as we were told we were meant to have babies.

Would men tolerate this?

We are mad that we may have chosen different careers or different lives altogether.

Some of us may feel we have been robbed, stolen from, and taken advantage of not just by the men who we thought loved us but preferred to dominate us to impress their friends and we may realize they never had our backs. We feel betrayed by our husbands, fathers, and the men in our lives who we gave all in servitude toward them.

Our emotions were stolen from us, under the guise of love, we have every right to be mad. If the men were in our shoes, they would be mad too.

The emotions were stolen from men too, as when they were young boys they were forced not to feel, share, or have any emotions. They were robbed too, and expression and emotions on the full spectrum was taken from them. They had no safe place to be happy with an ear-to-ear smile on their face without being called names. So they stuffed their feelings and then had some release during sex and sports, I digress.

Women need to know that men were harmed too.

And while we women are dealing with the pain of betrayal from the men, there is a whole sect of women, who have betrayed women too.

The men know they harmed the women, the women on the other hand, think they did right (no pun intended), which is a whole concept to explore. Start here for more on this topic.

And our anger is actually a good thing, look at what happened when the women of Iceland got mad over the wage inequality. Need I say more?

Bell Hooks: The Will to Change

Getting back to this book…

This book remains deeply relevant today as discussions about gender roles, toxic masculinity, and emotional well-being become more urgent.

Hooks doesn’t just critique the system; she provides hope, encouraging men and women alike to dismantle harmful norms and envision a more nurturing and equitable society.

This is what is needed now.

While the women are 4B’ing and the men have retired at 52 because they made so much money, now is a great time to read!

Here are some of the key discussion points from The Will to Change:

While the women are 4B’ing and the men have retired at 52 because they made so much money, now is a great time to read!

Patriarchy Harms Men Too

One thing I find more often is how women see that the patriarchy and the concepts that were taught to men are being harmed ALSO by the system. It’s not just women.

Yes, men have outrageously benefited from the system, privilege, etc. and the book delves into this topic head-on at a deep level which I have not seen otherwise. #impressive

Toxic Masculinity and Its Consequences

The book addresses toxic masculinity from a balanced perspective, one that is needed and helpful right now so we can understand the big picture.

Throwing rocks will not get us anywhere but I must say the #womeninmalefields is hilarious right now and is gaining traction every day, and the men are getting a taste of their own medicine.

Love as a Revolutionary Act

Hooks emphasizes the importance of love — not just romantic love, but also self-love and love within families and friendships.

She critiques how patriarchy devalues love as “weak,” arguing that embracing love is key to personal and societal transformation.

Get the Book or Catch in on Audible: Bell Hooks – The WIll to Change

Emotional Literacy is Key

Men are often denied the tools to express and understand their emotions, which creates a barrier to meaningful connections.

Developing emotional literacy is crucial for men to engage in honest, authentic relationships.

The Role of Women in Supporting Change

While Hooks makes it clear that men must lead their own transformation, she also acknowledges the role women play in perpetuating or challenging patriarchal norms.

She calls for solidarity between genders to create a culture that values emotional honesty and equality.

She calls for solidarity between genders to create a culture that values emotional honesty and equality.

Healing Through Vulnerability

Vulnerability, often seen as a weakness in patriarchal culture, is reframed as a strength in the book.

By embracing vulnerability, men can heal from the wounds of patriarchy and foster deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Transforming Power Dynamics

Hooks highlights the importance of addressing power imbalances in relationships and society.

Genuine love and connection require mutual respect and equality, which can only be achieved by dismantling patriarchal power structures.

The Will to Change is more than just a critique of masculinity — it’s a call to action. Hooks urges men to step into their full humanity, challenging the societal norms that restrict them and seeking a richer, more authentic way of living.

We have to start somewhere.

And too, I want to emphasize this book is not just for men, it’s for women too, really everyone in a patriarchal system, to understand, obtain awareness of the power structures, and digest this vast amount of information that we just took as normal for far too long.

The Lack of Support for Men Deconstructing Patriarchy

One of the most eye-opening aspects of The Will to Change is its acknowledgment of the lack of support men face when they attempt to deconstruct the patriarchy.

Men navigating this journey often find themselves isolated, as there is limited encouragement from women, other men, or societal structures.

Few spaces or groups exist to help men examine the cultural forces that shaped them, and even fewer resources offer guidance on how to break free from these norms in a way that is accepted or celebrated.

As a society, we are only beginning to move toward creating environments that support this kind of introspection and transformation.

This book was written 20 years ago and we are still on the brink of exploring this vast hierarchical and embedded system of dominance.

However, we have a long way to go, particularly in how women approach and support men through this process.

Women may need to develop new skills — learning how to engage with men as they undertake the significant challenge of unlearning patriarchal norms, examining their cultural history, and embracing new, healthier paradigms.

This requires empathy from both sides.

Men must take responsibility for their actions and mindsets while also understanding the larger cultural system that influenced them.

Women, in turn, must recognize the weight of this challenge and the courage it takes for men to question the very culture that gave them privilege.

Viewing patriarchy from a 15,000-foot level — acknowledging its vast historical and societal implications — can help to create understanding, compassion, and a shared commitment to change.

This broader perspective is critical if we are to collectively move toward a more equitable future.

This post was originally written on medium.

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