4 Steps to Overcome Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is a terrifying experience. You can regain control again over your own finances. It may take some time, but keep your spirits high as you move forward.

We are going to talk about several steps to help navigate and to regain financial footing.

Enttitlement

A narcissist knows no bounds. They believe they are entitled and believe the world revolves around them. They feel as though they are gods. There believe they have all control, or should have, to do as they please without accountability. They feel entitled to what is yours–even your finances.

When you have discovered financial abuse of any kind, don’t spend unnecessary money. Put a tight lid on the spending and spend only on necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, utilities. This is not the time to have a girls-night-out, or take a vacation to Bali (even though you may be navigating tons of stress and could really use a vacation.)

This is not the time to get your eyebrows or nails done either. It’s time to sit back financially, eat very low key (rice and beans), no drinking in excess, and limit driving around town. Cut the entertainment budget.

The reason is you need to access the damages and try to build up a reserve in case of emergencies. Priorities have changed and the way we were living our lives prior to this discovery has to change to move forward and to re-establish new patterns to take care of ourselves.

The more money that is spent, the more money that is going out, that takes away from your goals of being financially restored. You may need money to plan for unexpected live changes such as a move, storage, new job, new career outfits, training to pick up new skills, childcare, even moving to another city.

Separate Assets

Make a list of all the credit cards, car loans, mortgage, all bills that are held and are responsible to be paid, whether jointly held or individual.

Remember to include life insurance policies, 401K accounts, IRA, checking, savings accounts. Go through a year of your finances and keep track of everything and write them down and maintain good records.

If there are any accounts that have been held jointly, if you are able to, separate the accounts. Creating separate checking accounts, savings accounts, and any other jointly held accounts, should put a stop to abuse. Requests debit cards to be cancelled and remove authorized users.

Keep solid records of the accounts and institutions as you may need to refer back to them. Maintain records and historic paper trail to keep your financial life in order.

Many are looking forced to revaluate finances. We have put together a simple, and easy-to-use budget template for you. It’s found here.

Consider the Debt Snowball

In order to regain financial footage and momentum in getting your life back and in step with your vision for your future, consider paying off all of your debt.

Dave Ramsey’s Debt Snowball, is a great way to get out of debt. The method is to first save up $1000 in emergency cash–then to pay off all debt. He recommends listing all debts owed (including collections and medical bills, everything) from smallest to largest. Then, concentrate on paying off the smallest debt first, while maintaining minimum payments on the remaining debts. When the smallest debt has been paid off, re-allocate those funds to debt #2 and so on until all the debt has been paid off.

Getting out of debt and separating assets can be a daunting experience, especially if you are not used to managing finances on your own. You can do it – one step at a time.

Look to Side Hustles to Get Ahead - Financial Reboot

There are many side gigs to assist with financial recovery after narcissistic abuse. I will be doing a separate post on side hustles in the future, but for now, I want to list a few of my favorites. I have done all of these side gigs.

Sign up to Deliver Food with Uber Eats

I like this one a lot because, if you are a bit like me, you may get “wierded-out” with driving people around like Uber and Lyft however, those are very good too. With Uber Eats, you can pick up food from a nearby restaurant and drive it to their location. You can work your own hours and with a flip of button in the app, you can turn on your availability on or off. There are no 3-hour commitments, etc. They also offer increased pay for times of the day.

Amazon Flex

Amazon Flex is also great. With the Amazon Flex program, you drive to an Amazon warehouse at a selected, confirmed schedule slot (for example, 3 hours, 4 hours etc.), and pile a load of amazon boxes into your vehicle and drive per their map in the app and scan and drop off boxes. They provide training videos on the specifics. It’s a great way to work outside, drive around, deliver boxes across your city and earn cash!

I have done this and have really enjoyed the exercise, seeing new backstreets of my city, getting in a good stride and hustle and sometimes a little tan and, of course, making some extra dough.

Pet-Sitting/Dog Walking

If you love fury faces and leashes, this may be the gig for you. One company is Rover.com. Owners sign up and state they need dog-walking services. The walkers and owners meet under mutually agreeable terms and the walkers is tasked to take the dogs out for a stroll.

When I was a professional pet-sitter, I worked for a different company, but the concept is the same. I did this for 4 years and I learned to work it into my life. Plus, seeing the happy, friendly faces made it seem so easy.

These side gigs are highly recommended to help to regain footage and put yourself back on solid ground financially–and even get ahead. If you are enjoying them, keen on truckin’ as they say.

Going Forward

Narcissists are treacherous people, and we need to take necessary steps to recover from financial abuse. By implementing controls around our spending, separating our assets from the narcissist, getting out of debt, and pursuing side gigs to help us get to our goals faster.

I would love to hear if you have been through financial abuse from a narcissist. Please place a comment if you have been through this!

Budget Template

Looking to have a quick and easy Budget Template to help re-organize your finances? We put together a simple and easy-to-use Budget for you. Download it here.