Pick Me Culture: 3 Ways It Has Slowed Women’s Progression and Sidetracked Professional Growth

Did the Patriarchy Plan This Intentionally?

Women, you have been lied to.

Before we get into the meat of this article, please be aware that you might spit out your gum, and then stare at the wall for a while after reading this article, because you may be in shock for a bit.

Someone has to say this.

Without further ado, let’s get to it…

Let’s dissect the “Pick Me” culture.

Women have been socially conditioned to be part of this social women cult since they were very young…young enough to learn the alphabet.

Over time, this can lead to missed promotions, stalled careers, and a diminished sense of self-worth in the professional realm.

And we thought this was normal, and how a society was to function, properly.

As girls, we were taught to look pretty, smile, be cheerful always, and have nice hair, and then we got older the social conditioning remained, and we matured.

The social conditioning was still intact, we could make decisions, but these decisions were on how to behave and think in order to keep, or get a man.

Everything revolved around this thinking if we are real about it.

Women were taught to be subservient, to put ourselves on the back burner, to support a man and his thoughts, his career, his lifestyle, to mesh into his lifestyle, to do all these things for a man, his attention, his money. And we were taught to think that is what we wanted.

It was to please your family of birth…

Listen to the Episode

It was to go along this social conditioning pathway to make your relatives, family, and everyone in your life happy.

You just had to do it.

If you didn’t you were a social outcast, and you could possibly be shunned from wanting to go your own way.

If you ever thought about, “Why do we do this?” You were discouraged from thinking these independent thoughts if you dared share them with “loved ones.”

Related: The Pick Me Culture – The Origin and the Toxicity of the Mindset – Listen to the Podcast Episode Too – Packed with Relevant Information

How Pick Me Culture Has Slowed Women’s Progress

Wasted Time and Energy on Male Approval

Women have spent an excessive amount of mental and emotional energy focusing on how men perceive them — whether it’s appearance, behavior, or the roles they play in relationships.

Just think hair, nails, clothes, cute clothes, shoes, attitudes…

This attention to male validation diverts energy that could be better spent on personal development, education, or career advancement.

Instead of embracing their strengths, many women remain focused on molding themselves to fit a patriarchal mold, ultimately slowing their own progression.

Internalized Misogyny

By engaging in “Pick Me” behavior, women often internalize harmful beliefs about other women.

Women buy into the idea that there is competition for male attention, pitting themselves against their peers rather than fostering solidarity.

Women have generally had a dislike for other women — because of men.

But will anyone admit to this? Of course not, but it has been an underlying current…

Women* have internalized misogyny.

This internalized misogyny perpetuates a cycle that keeps women divided and distracted, stalling progress toward gender equality.

It reinforces the belief that men’s opinions matter most, rather than focusing on how women can uplift themselves and each other.

This has been taught and ingrained into women’s psyches for decades!

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Prioritizing Male-Centric Goals Over Personal Ambitions

Participating in “Pick Me” culture often leads women to make life decisions based on what they think will make them more appealing to men.

Yes, there was a time when women had to rely on a man for survival, but, times are changing…

Whether it’s choosing not to pursue a career that’s “too ambitious” or giving up professional goals to align with societal expectations of femininity, many women sideline their ambitions.

Over time, this creates a self-limiting mindset, where women sacrifice personal growth for relationships that reinforce traditional gender roles.

Being Sidetracked Professionally

Women who engage in “Pick Me” culture often find themselves sidetracked in their professional journeys.

Instead of pursuing leadership roles, breaking through glass ceilings, or cultivating their skills, they may spend disproportionate time trying to fit into a male-dominated workplace culture.

For example, women may downplay their intelligence, avoid taking credit for their successes, or minimize their achievements to avoid intimidating male colleagues.

Over time, this can lead to missed promotions, stalled careers, and a diminished sense of self-worth in the professional realm.

Reinforcing the Status Quo

By participating in “Pick Me” behavior, women inadvertently reinforce the status quo that keeps men in positions of power.

When women play into traditional gender roles and seek male validation, they affirm that these roles are acceptable and worth perpetuating.

Rather than challenging the patriarchal system, the “Pick Me” culture supports it, making it harder for women as a whole to break free from the limitations society places on them.

Was this intentional?

Women: Our progress as women depends on recognizing the harmful impact of this “Pick Me” culture. We must replace this need for male validation with something far more powerful — solidarity, empowerment, and a deep commitment to our own self-fulfillment. We’ve been taught for too long to mold ourselves to fit into patriarchal expectations, but it’s time to break free from that.

Let’s stop measuring our worth through the eyes of men and start standing together as women. Our value isn’t tied to being “picked” — it’s about owning who we are, lifting each other up, and embracing our ambitions unapologetically.

True empowerment comes when we put ourselves first and encourage every woman to do the same. It’s real, it’s authentic, and it’s how we move forward together.

*Some women

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