Triangulation: 5 Ways this Insidious Tactic Operates Within Narcissistic Families

On the outside, it’s all smiles, accolades, uplifting one another, more smiles, laughter and everything is wonderful, as long as you remain in compliance, however the inside story is…well, frankly it’s just the opposite to which they will ever admit to and even when found out or someone accidentally discusses it, and learns what has been going on, and calls out the crack in the sidewalk, that may be the start of the triangulation.

Oh wait, it started years before. Yes. there are roles in the narcissistic family, yes, everyone is acting out the role they were indirectly supposed to be – even though no one ever told them.

If you think this is confusing, read on as we open the door, walk in, and talk about family triangulation. This is the article they didn’t want you to read, and will probably claim it’s all made up.

What do you think?

Twisted Triangulation

Maybe I’m old, but this gives a whole new meaning to the song, Twisted Sister…

It’s insidious. It’s deliberate and yes, no one will admit it. What a mess, and without further ado, welcome to the madness, and welcome to the inside story of triangulation.

Welcome to the twisted world of narcissistic families, where this art of triangulation thrives.

In these dysfunctional dynamics, manipulation becomes a twisted form of currency.

Triangulation is the go-to strategy employed by narcissistic parents to maintain control, manipulate relationships, and ensure their reign of power.

In this article today, we’ll dive into the murky depths of triangulation, exploring how it operates within a narcissistic family and the devastating impact it has on individuals involved.

Seatbelt on. Click. Let’s do this.

The Puppet Master (or Ring Leader)

At the heart of triangulation lies the narcissistic parent, the puppet master who skillfully pulls the strings to create chaos and maintain dominance.

They strategically play family members against each other, manipulating emotions, fostering competition, and breeding animosity. And they do it with ease.

By positioning themselves as the central figure, they ensure that all communication and all relationships are funneled through them, consolidating their control over the entire family dynamic.

They are controlling how each family member interacts with each other. Have you ever wondered why you didn’t have a close family relationship with your sibling or aunt on the other side of the family? Maybe your aunt knew too, but never had the liberty to discuss it… Read the Strained Relationship Between Golden Child and Scapegoat.

Golden Child vs. Scapegoat

Triangulation is most evident in the dynamics between the golden child and the scapegoat.

The narcissistic parent cleverly designates one child as the golden child, showering them with excessive praise, attention, and preferential treatment.

Meanwhile, the scapegoat becomes the target of constant criticism, blame, and rejection. Through triangulation, the narcissistic parent pits these siblings against each other, creating a toxic competition for their love and approval.

The golden child often unwittingly becomes a pawn in the narcissist’s game, while the scapegoat suffers emotional turmoil and isolation.

Toxic Secrets and Whispered Lies (SHhH...)

Triangulation thrives on secrecy and deception. This is why the narcissistic parent studies you… to learn your behaviors so they can predict how you will act, so they know what type of tactics to use against you. Yes, this happens in families.

Related: Why the Narcissist Studies You – watch the video too!

The narcissistic parent skillfully manipulates information and distorts reality to suit their narrative.

They selectively disclose or withhold information, ensuring that family members are kept in the dark and perpetually guessing.

Through whispered lies and half-truths, they undermine trust among siblings, fostering a sense of uncertainty and fueling conflicts.

This web of deceit strengthens the narcissist’s hold on the family (compounded destruction), as they alone possess the key to the truth.

It’s almost unfathomable this occurs within families. FAMILIES.

Allies and Enablers

Within a narcissistic family, it’s common for certain family members to become the narcissist’s allies or enablers.

Yes, it’s now a game of RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT. Which side are you on?

The narcissist needs these ‘partners’ to further amplify the narcissists reach and control. It’s like the narcissists web widens as they have these allies in place, and as the allies perform functions for the narcissists greater mission – which is total family control to control the perception of others. But these allied do it not for family domination, they have no idea they are part of this secret mission. The allies do it to earn their gold star of performance and to keep the enmeshment with the narcissistic ring leader, because each role supports one another.

These individuals align themselves with the narcissistic parent, acting as their mouthpiece and supporting their manipulative tactics. But they don’t just do it willingly, they were coerced into this role, and that if they don’t oblige, they will lose some of their high-ranking family benefits.

So, they willingly participate in triangulation, further dividing and conquering the family unit. (Are you feeling ill yet?) I would not be surprised if this article made your stomach turn, it does to mine, while writing it, I literally feel ill.)

Allies may include other siblings who have succumbed to the narcissist’s charm or a non-narcissistic parent who feels trapped or powerless in the face of the manipulative tactics.

These alliances create a fortified front that strengthens the narcissistic parent’s control and amplifies the suffering of the targeted family members.

Yes, this my friends is done within these narcissistic families. If you ever thought all families are the same, please think twice.

Breaking Free, Healing and Starting Over

Escaping the clutches of a narcissistic family and healing from the trauma of triangulation can be an arduous journey.

However, it is possible to break free and reclaim your sense of self.

Recognizing the toxic patterns and dynamics is the first step towards liberation. Because you are not going to change them. No matter how much you wine, when you are younger, the narcissist will not change. Ever. So it’s better that you change yourself and high-tail it on out of there and start to emotionally heal and realize this family chaos IS NOT NORMAL.

Seek support from trusted friends, therapists, or support groups to gain perspective and validation–because they will try to reel you back in. Get Clarity. Your family will claim “it” never happened.

Setting boundaries and minimizing contact with toxic family members can also aid in the healing process. Focus on self-care, building healthy relationships, and nurturing your own well-being.

With time and effort, it is possible to overcome the scars left by triangulation and create a different, more authentic future, away from all the family madness, drama, and the emotional turmoil that goes along with it.

Have you seen the tactics of triangulation in your family? Have you seen a narcissistic ring leader at work in your home, causing division and family chaos? Drop a comment and share your experience!