What Changed after I went No Contact?
I moved on.
I felt the pain again, understood and grieved it deep within my heart and realized the impact. The earth stood still for a split second, shock in the moment, as I digested this and from there I decided to move on with my life. It has been the largest healing adventure of my life. It was going to BE MY LIFE now. I wasn’t going to live to please or put others’ wishes, wants, desires above my own pursuits.
It was like my heart was fractured for the last time. It was broken in so many pieces, but they say when healed, it’s stronger than before the break. I believe this to be true. Strong, yet so weak at times.
I need to be more concerned with my greatest passions, desires, strengths, than the vision of what others have for me – their self-pleasing mission. I had to get off the hamster wheel of performance.
Do you feel you still desire to please someone even after going no contact?
As I sit back and evaluate my life now with these changes I have made, several things have occurred:
Table of Contents
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Peace After No Contact
It has been a quiet, peaceful existence. No loud arguing, no back and forth, vying to be understood, fighting for my voice and to be heard, and being left out, put down, questioned, discredited.
I exist for me, for my plans, for my goals, accomplishments, my dreams, and to do what I feel is my calling. The silence is peaceful, the wind blows, it stirs my heart; it creates new life, new passions, and I am a settled soul, without anguish.
The silence now is sustaining and its beauty breathes into my soul. It clears my head and re-centers me and I re-align with my objectives. It invigorates me, and I make plans to pursue my dreams. It brings an inner smile to my heart, and I am refreshed.
Freedom to Choose
I am free to be me. I am running my race. I will choose my outcome. I no longer look to the left or the right, I keep my eyes ahead of me and on the vision I have before me.
The reason NO Contact is so powerful, and I enjoy it so much – and as you may relate is, when we are emotionally abused, we are taught we are never enough, subtly of course, and sometimes blatantly and we hear it so often, we believe it.
When we realize this is a LIE, we are set free. We can be who we are truly meant to be. It’s a process to continue to learn the truth, and I am amazed at the creature I have been created to be and I am enjoying every second of it, and so grateful and thankful for the eye-opening experience.
When the ceiling of emotional abuse and coercion to accept and do certain things is lifted, and the truth is revealed, the beginning of a new life is about to unfold. We can choose our path deliberately and let go of the unconscious loyalty to serve others’ missions.
Holidays Have Changed
Birthdays have changed, Thanksgiving, Christmas – all of it.
I make my own plans and do what feeds my soul and heart. I run with my new passions and desires and enjoy new experiences. I choose to step out in a brave new world with a new set of eyes.
I have found I love taking Amtrak trains across the country. Last year for Christmas, I went on an adventure, traveling to Seattle, WA, and taking Amtrak down to San Francisco, making stops in Portland, Eugene, Oakland and Sacramento. It was great to see Christmas trees decorated in the city centers, including the inverted tree in the Westfield Mall in the heart of San Francisco.
I met great people along the way, enjoyed staying in a hostel for the first time in San Francisco, experienced the local culture while staying in AIRBNB’s, and learning about travel hacking (more on this later).
Embrace My Mission
I may not fall into what is “expected” of me by society, but that is the best part. I want to live an extraordinary life and with that, sometimes you have to “live, think and do” outside the box. I don’t want to fit into the “normal” box that society says is the right path for me – I challenge it. I have been given gifts, talents, the notion and desire to learn, to figure things out, to self-evaluate, to embrace, to challenge myself and see how I can be an impact to this world. My “moving forward” adventure is just beginning, and I am excited to see what is ahead.
I am now seeking out my plans for my next adventure.
When I thought of going no contact, I was challenged by the thought and believed, at first, I could not do this. Now that I have gone no contact, and am learning to walk in it, I see new freedoms, adventures both emotionally and physically are ahead. I know there still will be challenges, but I have regained my hope and choose to walk a brave path.
If you would like to learn more about my story click here.
Related: Learn about the Abuse Cycle and Why Narcissistic Abuse is so Devastating
I would love to know how your life is different after you have moved on after a narcissistic relationship. What changes have you made? How do you see yourself differently? What is next in your freedom path? Leave a comment in the comment section below.
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I love it…all that you wrote. I divorced the Covert Malignant Narc….and at that time I had no idea what was wrong with him. I just knew he was pathologically lying all the time. I remarried to a very good honest man…whoa that set off the Narc Cult Group. They tried every stupid trick to get between us…none of it worked. He and I bought a house on a mountain 800 miles from them. Whoa…that set them off also. They are so Arrogant, they over rate themselves and under rate me. The Pandemic happened which was good for me….more clarity with time and space away from them. We stayed at the Mountain house, and we love it here….and I find no reasons at all to ever be around the Narc Cult group again. They are doing a lot of hovering with flying monkeys…emails, calls. I know that, and block them too. I blocked ALL OF THEM. Get them out of your life, and it’s like Heaven shows up at your door. I will never trust anything that any one of them have to say….bad or good. It’s their game, and I QUIT.