Cognitive Dissonance: When Does it Start to Clear | No Contact with a Narcissist

To leave or not to leave, that is the question.

Well, it was the question, until we decided to leave the narcissist.

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, and have decided to leave, this episode will address three things that occur after leaving a narcissist.

Cognitive Dissonance Starts to Clear

Cognitive Dissonance occurs when there are incongruencies between actions and words spoken. It occurs in a relationship with a narcissist, since the narcissist is keen to verbalize an action or feeling, but often fails to perform in a consistent fashion to the words spoken.

If you have gone no contact with a narcissist and had time away, you may start to have additional moments of clarity as the layers of the onion start to fall off. You may see the relationship from a new, even deeper perspective as the layers of cognitive dissonance dissipate.

In addition, as your mind gains clarity, you may also see the following:

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Lies

Sometimes it’s hard to see what is truly going on in a relationship, while still in it. You may have been told lies, but didn’t know they were lies, until later on.

You may start to understand why certain events occurred, months, or years after they did, as the lies are exposed, and the truth comes out.

Hidden Tactics

Once we are away from the narcissist in our life and have time to think about events which have occurred, we can see tactics that were played out against us, which we never saw prior, but now we can put the puzzle pieces together. And…

Incongruent Behavior

We gain a new understanding of the relationship and, our mind does a mental shift as we come to terms with the toxicity of the relationship. While in the relationship, the cognitive dissonance was so thick, it kept us from having clarity as the tactics were deployed.

We can now see (or are starting to see) what we never saw before — because we were entangled in the situation.

We might have additional “ah-ha” moments as we evaluate from a new perspective and as the layers of the onion start to fall off.

As we continue to work through the layers of cognitive dissonance, we will continue to find our truth.

Toxicity in other areas

Leaving a narcissist is one thing, and healing from it, is a unique path. And while the path is not linear, the healing journey surfaces evaluation in other areas of life, not previously reviewed.

It is not uncommon to see toxicity in other close relationships. Take time to review relationships and organizations for similar patterns.

Were you the Family Scapegoat?

A similar occurrence occurs with the scapegoat. When the scapegoat is overlooked, criticized, and treated as less than others over and over again by not only caretakers, they can begin to internalize how others treat them over and over again. They can take on self-sabotaging behaviors and may suffer from poor or improper self-esteem. Learn about the dynamics between the Scapegoat and the Golden child, why he relationship is strained, what the Scapegoat can do, why the scapegoat is disrespected (and worse), and even ostracized.

Corporate Culture

What is also interesting is over the past year, plus or minus, many have new thoughts toward work, careers, and future endeavors.

Many have ‘discovered’ they may be in a toxic work environment and have set out to make some changes.

Many are rethinking their career, to start their own business, and/or making changes to improve their mental health status.

While this topic is trending, many are changing careers, to remove toxic bosses and environments.

The Mind Can Begin to Heal

Whoever said you cannot heal in the same environment, was spot on.

In order to heal and recover initially from a relationship with a narcissist, it takes moving away from a situation entirely.

This is one reason why no contact is encouraged. It’s also important to build a safe place, where the processing of events, can begin.

In addition, as the healing journey continues, it’s wise to do the following:

Connect with those you can trust and who understand your situation (therapists, counselors, coaches) so you can process events and gain perspective, healing and understanding.
Rebuild a Support Network as you see fit
Realize the Healing Path is Not Linear
Go Easy on Yourself, there is no race to win. Feel free to go at your own pace, as fast or as slow as you wish.

The path to healing and recovering after a relationship with a narcissist is not an easy path. It takes time and introspection to go deep into our lives and to be willing to explore areas that we may have not ventured to explore, previously.

It’s an interesting path, one that you may be grateful for in years to come. When you heal from the toxicity it opens the doors to new situations and opportunities.

What changes have you made? What are some things you have noticed as you set out on your new path?

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