Why the Narcissist Studies You, The Motivation Plus Ramifications
From the onset of the relationship with a narcissist, the game has begun. Their antics are ready to go and you will be the target for a while. They will study you, learn your behaviors because they have ulterior motives at bay.
In this article we are going to explore why the narcissist studies you, what their motivation is behind the scenes, and as an added bonus we will touch on the ramifications from being in a relationship with this type of creepy individual.
Why the Narcissist Studies You
The narcissist has a concealed agenda from the onset, they are not seeking a healthy relationship with you, they are looking for supply and looking to you to provide it for a time. You see, a narcissist is always on the hunt for supply because just one source is not enough.
A narcissist studies you to learn your behavior, not just when it’s happening in the present, but they need to be able to predict your behavior before it happens. Not only do they need to anticipate what you will do and say before you do, but they need to have a high percentage of certainty in their devious calculations.
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A Narcissist Will Dig In Deep
So, they study, but it’s more than just taking notes at a surface level, they dig in deep to find your weak spots and they do it quickly. The narcissist studies you because they are on a mission to see if you will pass.
A narcissist is seeking ammo, for if the relationship or your supply would stop at some point in the anticipated future, (which could be even years or decades later on), they are looking for something to hurt you by in the future, something they can twist to suit and support their reputation over yours later on when the relationship goes awry.
Is it devious? It’s their darkest secret.
What is a Narcissist Looking For When They Study Someone
When a narcissist studies you, they are looking and assessing many things simultaneously. They are judging to see how you react when your buttons are pressed both in positive situations and in an extreme negative.
They are looking to your level of cooperation with them: will you follow their lead, how long will it take until you lose your opinions (no matter how much conviction you have with them), and how much training (gaslighting and manipulation) do you need before you start to back down and begin to change who you are.
A narcissist is gauging how long and what type of supply you can and will provide to them on a regular or semi-regular basis.
A Narcissist Studies You to Assess How Much Training You Will Require
When a narcissist is “building a relationship” with you, they are assessing several things at the same time. While you may believe you are spending time together innocently getting to know one another, their mindset is completely different. They are assessing how easily you can be manipulated.
They are looking to see how much training you need. Now, training is code for how much manipulation, love-bombing and grooming do they need to do, etc. before you start to change not only your ways (and to back down) but to change and morph into the person they want you to be.
Are you easily convinced? They will assess.
Are your opinions easily changed once you have new information? Especially after gaslighting, they will study you to observe your new behavior, and how long does it takes for you to change.
Time is of the essence with a narcissist. They can only spend time with you if it works out in their favor. If you quickly adapt to what is expected of you by the narcissist, then you have a high likelihood the relationship will continue. If you do not back down, stand your ground, keep your independent thought and actions, you will likely lose the opportunity to have a fantastic relationship with a narcissist.
A narcissist is looking to see how long it takes before you lose your convictions, opinions and take on what they believe you should believe.
How does this Affect the Gaslightee
If you have been the unfortunate victim of a narcissist, the tactics completed against you may have been so subtle you haven’t noticed, especially if you are not on the lookout for them, and too, you may also be in a new relationship, where everyone feels good at the beginning. This is the prime time when manipulation occurs, and its so subtle, by design, and it only escalates and becomes more insidious as the relationship develops.
As the relationship progresses, the agenda of the narcissist is still the same, to change you to suit their purpose, and if you choose to remain in the relationship, things will start to occur that may catch you one day blindsided.
Let’s take a look at a few of the ramifications by remaining in the relationship.
You Start to Lose your Convictions and Opinions
Do you feel strongly about things? Great, the narcissist will try to knock down your opinions or fail to even acknowledge them, nothing is off target, unless it suits them, and they are okay with it. If it doesn’t then they will employ tactics to get you to change your mind.
You Start to Get Quiet
When a narcissist has used tactics against you to demean you, the intent is that after time and repetition, you will not only fail to speak out and share what you believe but will revert to being silent. And what’s worse, is you may start to care less about things. It’s a slow gradual change. They are teaching you to become less, as there can only be one person with grandiosity in the relationship.
You Wake Up One Day Wondering Where the Person Was that You Used to Be
You may have fond memories of yourself when you were (fill in the blank), maybe it was the time when you (fill in the blank). You wish you could revert back to who you were at a previous time.
You felt powerful, then, you felt in charge of your life, had a mission, and had plans to accomplish things. You were full of life and had goals, etc. but then something happened, and your life has not only veered off into a whole other path, but now it’s been years and you may feel like you have no idea how to go back to who you used to be.
These are the ramifications of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Their goal is not for you. They may state they support you, but by their actions, they are proven to be a liar.
In Conclusion
A narcissist especially at the onset of a relationship, has tactics designed to bring about your emotional deflation by design. A narcissist studies you and as while they do so with escalated tactics over time, slowly you start to lose who you are, your goals diminish.
Once you have discovered you may be in a relationship with a narcissist, please research going no contact. We have several articles on this site to include the healing and grieving process which occurs afterward. You are important, you matter, we care, and we want the best for you in your situation.
We also work together with Online Therapy, which is an online resource to assist during this time.
If this article has been helpful in your journey, drop a comment and let us know your experience.
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