How the Patriarchy Has Failed Men: Unpacking the Promises and Consequences
From Emotional Repression to Broken Relationships — How the System Built for Men Is Quietly Breaking Them
Patriarchy has Failed.
For generations, society has operated under a patriarchal framework that promised men a life of privilege and power. A family to call their own, a stable legacy, and the expectation of minimal responsibilities at home were offered as rewards for conforming to traditional gender roles. However, beneath these promises lies a system that has not only harmed women but also failed men in profound ways.
As the world shifts, with dating, marriage, and societal expectations evolving dramatically in recent years, it’s become clear that the patriarchy’s promises were misleading.
This article aims to explore how this system has shortchanged men, creating undue pressure, stunting emotional growth, and ultimately depriving them of true connection and fulfillment.
The Empty Promise of Legacy and Family
The patriarchy positioned family and legacy as the ultimate prize for men who followed its rules. Yet, the expectation that men would automatically be granted these simply by playing the role of “provider” is increasingly at odds with today’s reality.
Modern women demand partnership, emotional availability, and shared responsibilities — qualities that patriarchy never encouraged men to develop.
As marriage rates decline and more individuals delay starting families or don’t start families at all (child-free), many men feel confused, even angry. The promise of a nuclear family that was once guaranteed has become conditional, hinging on the very emotional skills the patriarchy suppressed in them, which has now come back to haunt them.
While women have been slowly breaking free from these rigid roles, men are often left grappling with unfulfilled expectations and a lack of tools to navigate new dynamics.
The Pressure to “Be a Man”
“Be a man” — a phrase loaded with centuries of expectation. The patriarchy prescribed strength, stoicism, and dominance as virtues, but this has robbed men of the full spectrum of human emotion. Men have been taught to suppress vulnerability, emotional intimacy, and self-expression, leading to emotional isolation and, at times, destructive behaviors.
While many men recognize the value of emotional intelligence, they struggle against a system that has conditioned them to see it as a weakness.
The harsh truth is that patriarchal expectations have led to a crisis in male mental health. Suicide rates among men are alarmingly high, and men are far less likely to seek help for mental health struggles. The ideal of stoic masculinity is not only outdated; it’s dangerous.
Housework, Relationships, and Shifting Gender Roles
For decades, men were led to believe that their contribution to the household ended with earning a paycheck (and mowing the lawn once a week and taking out the trash). The patriarchy positioned domestic work as “women’s work,” reinforcing the idea that a man’s worth was tied to his financial contribution alone. In today’s world, this dynamic is changing — rapidly.
Women now expect equal partnership, and the emotional labor that once went unnoticed is now a topic of public conversation. For men raised under the old model, this can feel like a shifting playing field, and many feel unequipped to adapt.
They were never taught the personal responsibility and importance of emotional labor, active co-parenting, or maintaining the household. The result? A generation of men feeling resentful or uncertain, unsure of how to navigate these expectations.
Related: Honey, Where’s the Dishwasher?
The Rise of “Men-Bashing”: Unpacking the Backlash
It’s undeniable that there is a growing conversation about men’s roles in society that can feel accusatory. In some cases, the frustration toward men is valid — centuries of oppression and inequality have led to a necessary reckoning.
However, it’s important to approach this with nuance.
While some men may feel attacked or marginalized, the real target of criticism is not individual men but the system that has failed everyone — men included.
This backlash should be viewed as an opportunity for men to reevaluate their roles, shed the limiting ideals of masculinity imposed by the patriarchy, and embrace a more evolved form of manhood that fosters connection, emotional depth, and equality.
But does this mean a man will have to go against everything they have been taught through the generations to “make a difference” in the days and years they have left? Are the men suffering from cognitive dissonance and/or denial due to unexpected and rapid shifts in the evolving landscape of relationships? Do the men even want to change with the current trends? Things have been “working for them” for generations, or have they? Was it all an illusion? Maybe they think this is just a phase we are going through. Are the men secretly wishing things would go back to the normal they know?
Reimagining Masculinity: A Path Forward
So, where do we go from here?
The decline of the patriarchy offers a chance to redefine masculinity in a way that liberates men from outdated ideals. It’s an opportunity to embrace emotional vulnerability, to value collaboration over dominance, and to view shared responsibilities as strengths rather than burdens.
I don’t think the men* really want to do this. I believe they are being forced to comply — just like a shift, but they still have a choice, but now they are having to face the consequences if they do not move with the times. In times past, the women were forced to comply, they see it and they are not on board.
How can the men start to embrace the very things they were told to never do — because they had to prove their manhood, now all of a sudden they are supposed to be vulnerable and be likable and do housework?
This is going to take generations.
For men, this shift requires unlearning decades of conditioning, and it’s not an easy process. But by engaging in the conversations around gender equity, mental health, and emotional intelligence, men can reclaim a sense of purpose and fulfillment that the patriarchy never truly provided.
- not all men
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