7 Ways Self-Respect Empowers Boundary Setting with Narcissists: A Heartfelt Guide
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Whenever the topic of narcissistic ab&se comes about, this topic rightfully surfaces.
But I think people are still confused with what boundary setting actually is…
Today in this article, I hope to bring a simple clarification to how to set boundaries with terrible people, narcissists and other people you don’t get a good vibe from when you interact.
This delivery is a bit raw…but good for those who need a little heart to heart communication.
Table of Contents
Boundaries as I have heard them described is a way to set a protective barrier around yourself, to prevent harm, theft, robbery, manipulation, deceit, and other malicious ways humans have interacted undetected.
And yes, you should absolutely have boundaries.
It’s to protect your sanity, your personal space, so you can keep being yourself, without harm.
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An Announcement Isn't Necessary
What I think people misunderstand when it comes to boundary setting is that when an offense comes, and they will, you don’t have to go around handing out tickets to the offenders.
You can, however, step back, observe behavior, and then make a decision that will impact how and if you will interact with them either in that very moment, or going forward.
You don’t even have to announce how you feel about the situation (depending who the offender is).
You can just change your behavior based on the interaction you have had and how you feel about it.
If you don’t feel safe around someone (whether it’s emotional safety or even physical) you no longer have to honor that person or group with your presence.
You can give warning signals that someone is getting too close and we will talk about how to do that, and why you should do this…
Self-Respect is the Foundation
I want to talk about how self-respect lays the groundwork for boundaries to take it’s full effect.
When you respect your time, your energy, your personal accomplishments, your gifts, talents, skills, personal opinions, what you bring to the table, your ability to adapt to change, etc. etc. etc. and see value in who you are, what you think, what you do, and when you just are, and you grant yourself permission to protect what you have worked so hard to have and be… this is self-respect.
And because it’s who you are, it needs to be protected through boundaries.
At the core root of a relationship with a narcissistic is their desire to strip you, the scapegoat, the victim, the future survivor, of your rights as a human.
They want to strip you of your independent thinking, and independence so you will need to use your boundaries to protect yourself from harm.
This is why they have to use manipulative tactics. Because no one would naturally fall for it.
We, victims, were worn down, bit by bit, to be subservient, to obey, to not think for ourselves, and to be out of alignment with our intuition. This is what the narcissist tried to do to us, successfully or not…
Our intuition is there to protect us from others who do not have the same level of respect toward us, that we have for ourselves.
And, chances are there will be few people who have the same or greater level of respect that you have for yourself. Most narcissists will start off showing their lack of respect toward you from the start to set the tone. but they do it covertly so as not to show their cards right away. Read more about love-bombing and the charisma.
Narcissists, and their cousins, the psychopaths etc. have tricks up their sleeve, called tactics to work hard on your ability to be a self-respecting person who protects their personal assets through proper boundary setting.
Self-Respect is the Answer
When you live and have an attitude, that you respect yourself first, and it comes naturally because it’s practiced, thought about and continually improved, this is where all the narcissists will run.
They do not want anything to do with someone who rightfully so respects themself, and not just in words, but with an attitude and action than can be felt.
The quickest way to lose a narcissist, a parasite-sucking fool is to outwardly and even loudly sometimes, to respect yourself AND have no tolerance for their manipulative mind and emotional drama games.
Self-Respect Cannot Be Faked
The thing is you cannot fake is self-respect.
A narcissist, will test you on this.
They will know if you are a fake, or trying to act confident, because they themselves fake this, so they can detect, a fake from a mile away.
So if you decide to put on a confident appearance, they may see right through it and won’t call you on it, but will use that knowledge to use a different tactic on you.
And if you have to try to convince them that you now have boundaries, my friend, you have lost the game.
Some will not be able to detect, but a narcissist, will most-likely be able to see right through it, and when they do, then their game steps up a notch, and their deception goes deeper.
The chess pieces move and the game goes to the advanced level mastery.
You Birth Your Own Self-Respect
Self-respect comes from the heart.
It does not come from any other person.
I cannot give you self-respect.
I cannot praise you and tell you how wonderful you are, and how well you are doing in life in order to give you or teach you self-respect.
It comes from you.
You alone birth it, and you alone allow it to grow and flourish.
And you also choose, not to respect yourself….yes, we have all been there.
Exercise
What I want you to do right now, is to stand up, roll your shoulders back, and stand up to your true height. No slouching.
I want you to take a deep breath in and then stand with your feet shoulder – width and allow yourself to feel the ground you are standing on, and allow yourself to take up space.
You don’t need to be smaller, or not have the space that is allowed for you.
Take up space.
Stand your ground.
And give yourself permission to be, think, create, and place a proper boundary when needed.
Self-Respect is the Antidote
Self-respect serves as a powerful antidote when it comes to setting boundaries with narcissists or individuals who invade your personal space.
By valuing your worth and prioritizing your well-being, self-respect empowers you to establish and enforce healthy boundaries.
It enables you to recognize red flags, communicate assertively, and prioritize your own needs, thus creating a solid defense against the manipulative tactics of narcissists. Embracing self-respect becomes a transformative journey that helps you regain control, protect yourself, and reclaim your space with confidence and resilience.
Share your thoughts in the comments below.