6 Hidden Reasons Why Online Dating is a Cesspool for Narcissists
Online dating has been around for decades, since 1995 to be exact, when match.com was launched. It was the first dating website and many people created a profile in search for a partner without having to leave their home.
Online dating was taboo, at first, many people created profiles, but it was not commonly discussed, or many even said they were just playing around to see what was out there. Online dating websites grew, and many more websites were created. Today, it’s rather common and acceptable if you are looking for a partner to share your life with but beware it may be a cesspool for narcissists.
What’s driving online dating? People claim they are bored, curious, and convenience is the driving force, according to an article here.
In this article we are going to touch on the current estimated number of users (profiles), projected growth of the platforms, success percentages as well as get to the heart of the issue which is why online dating draws so many narcissists. We will end with some handy tips to keep in mind if you are communicating online so you can try to avoid narcissists. Let’s get to it.
Table of Contents
Watch the Video!
Online Dating Statistics
According to Statistica, as of 2021, there are 49 million dating profiles in the USA and it’s projected to increase to 53 million users by 2024. With the world being the way it is, it’s likely to increase beyond the projected data.
In addition, according to the Statistic Brain Research Institute, 1 in 5 relationships begin online and more than 1 in 6 marriages.
Don’t worry, not everyone online is a narcissist within dating sites, but online dating does draw a high number of narcissists, why is this so?
Why is Online Dating a Cesspool for Narcissists?
Easy and Quick Access to Supply
If there are 49 million dating profiles (as of 2021 data) and growing, a narcissist will jump for joy to have access to 24+ million people. Online dating has become the narcissist’s playground. When a narcissist is through antagonizing the current people in their life, they have an endless source of supply of people to interact with online.
Creating a profile is simple and easy and within minutes they can be interacting with you online. They can post a picture that you will love that will draw you in instantly.
Related: 6 Things a Narcissists Seeks
Secrecy and Anonymity
Narcissists love online dating because there is a level of anonymity and secrecy associated with it, two things that can get a narcissist giddy. The narcissist loves being anonymous because it prevents them from being accountability, keeps them in charge, and they can ghost or act anyway they please. Not to mention, they can act almost any way they please, because they are in disguise and most likely will not get caught.
A Narcissist Can Perfect their Acting Skills
What better place to practice your manipulation and acting skills at the same time while appearing to be genuine, and kind?
Now it’s debated whether narcissists are born or raised (nature vs. nurture) and while this article is not about that (maybe in the future this will be addressed), irrespective of this, a narcissist will need to practice their skills. Whether they were born narcissists or not, they “get better” with age. What I mean by this is typically narcissists get worse with age. Deception increases, their actions become intolerable.
One day, they started out small, and their skill set increased. Have you ever met someone that was soooo smooth? Chances are they weren’t always that way. My point is this, narcissists will use the tool of online dating to perfect their tactics, skills and approach to master their art of manipulation and deceit.
It's Easier to Lie Without Getting Caught
Narcissists in real life are known to be charming as they try to smile their way out from being accountable, online dating is a different skill set for a narcissist. While a narcissist can’t smile their way through an online conversation (they certainly can try with an emoji), but generally they have to be crafty in other ways. These ‘other ways’ are like a resume builder for a narcissist.
Note: A narcissist is not trying to get to know you in order to build a sustaining relationship online contrary to what you may think, they are just in it for them, what they can get out of it.
Narcissists have a much harder time telling a lie in person. Granted, they may be expert pathological liars, and many are, but online dating makes lying so much easier for a narcissist.
Have you ever told a lie and then all of a sudden you get nervous, maybe start to sweat and then have a hard time swallowing? Well, online all of this is removed. You cannot tell if someone is nervous or sweating or the classic symptoms online. Narcissists love that you can’t figure it out like you could in person. It takes a different skill set to be able to detect a liar online. If the story is too good to be true, chances are it probably is. (I’ll share additional tips at the end.)
No Depth
Have you ever wondered why the individual you are chatting with online, spite their good profile (probably a little too good), is only having surface conversations with you and no depth? You are probably chatting it up with a narcissist. Let’s unpack why this happens.
A narcissist, since they may have a lot of engagement online, may find it hard to 1) keep up with the conversations (which is why you may be ghosted), or 2) they are already receiving supply from another source(s) 3) they are keeping the conversation for a later time when they run low.4) They are ignoring you on purpose 5) they want to learn you first. They let you talk, and maybe even talk too much so they can gage your interests, what kind of person you are, your weak spots so can they learn what type of manipulation and conversational vagueness to use toward you and how much you will endure.
Related: 4 Reasons Why Narcissists Ignore You
Keeps Constant Supply Coming Like on a Treadmill
A narcissist can have many conversations going at the same time and while this is common in online dating, a narcissist likes the multiple conversations going so they have supply on a treadmill. It will never end, new people all the time.
Tips to Recognize
Okay, so you’ve got your profile up and your picture set and you are talking with several people that you like. Great. Now, here are some tips on how to look out for the hidden narcissist in online dating.
- Games right out the door.
- Instant love bombing.
- Instant confusing conversations that they either don’t answer questions, is evasive, or you have a feeling they are lying or too good to be true.
- Does the picture look too damn perfect? It probably is.
- Ghosting for No Reason and then they come back months later with either no comment to previous silence, or it is downplayed, or an excuse is surfaced on the wedding they attended in Albania.
- They are too lazy to read your profile, they won’t make any comments about your listed hobbies, but they will start out with a big love bomb as a distraction.
- Some may make a comment about a hobby, but it will be toward something in your profile that is the most vulnerable. They are searching for your weak spot to possibly exploit if needed or to use it against you later on should the need arise.
- Either fast moving relationships, or interested but turtle slow, agreement to meet but the party never sends an invite and never intends to. The purpose is to string you along as long as possible.
- Somebody who demands a quick response from you – even within a few seconds of them sending a message to you.
In Conclusion
Can you find your mate/partner with online dating? I reckon you can and the stats above agree but keep your intuition in check. Once traits of narcissism show, blocking may be your best course of action. The narcissists won’t like your standards, or your pushback and most will likely be repulsed by it and will move on to others who feed them what they are seeking.
I trust this has been helpful. Drop a comment if you have found traits of narcissism in your online dating experience.