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Inner Resolve: Is it the Birthplace for Change?
In this article we are going to talk about RESOLVE, what it is and how it takes a role in leaving a narcissistic relationship and how it can be the beginning or turning point in moving forward.
This articles stems from an encounter I had today with two really great ladies. To the two ladies, you were inspirational to me and I dedicate this episode to you.
Our conversation allowed me to think introspectively and obtain a new perspective on my own situation.
The conversation was about resolve.
When I was in a former relationship there was a point I reached, where I was done. You may be in this situation now. Or you may be learning about narcissism and things may be beginning to click, or you may have been exposed to the information for some time, and a greater level of depth or frustration is occurring.
Table of Contents
The Shift
When we are in a narcissistic relationship and our eyes become opened to the situation because the truth of our situation has been penetrated, what can occur from that point going forward is our worldview or perception in life up to that point can begin to shift.
And this is where resolve has a factor.
It’s like a breakthrough moment.
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We cannot go Back
We know we cannot go back to the games. We know we can no longer go back to the way things were. We can no longer fake our happiness. We can no longer glaze over circumstances.
These moments are precious to us – as they are rare but can have a big impact on our life from that point going forward.
I needed my breakthrough moments.
I received clarity on my situation, my ever so confusing and draining situations.
I needed answers.
My breakthrough was a time I will never forget.
Defining Resolve
The line was crossed and there was no going back. This is how I define my resolve.
I see this now as my turning point, though at the time I wouldn’t call it resolve, I just knew I was done, and I would say I am done over and over again, out loud.
There was nothing that could bring me back.
I was no longer open to false apologies. I was no longer open to negotiate. I saw the lies and the masked lies. The level of deceit and manipulation was so incredulous I could no longer ignore it.
I had to make a change. Everything changed from that moment on. My priorities shifted. My thought patterns shifted. No longer was I willing to put in any effort to continue the status quo of the relationship. I was done, with a capital D.
Resolve according to the dictionary is a firm determination to do something.
I was no longer open to false apologies. I was no longer open to negotiate. I saw the lies and the masked lies. The level of deceit and manipulation was so incredulous I could no longer ignore it.
Let's go Back to a Time...
Now, I am going to take you back to the scene – I am going to invite you in.
I remember the time when I stood in my kitchen dealing with a narcissistic relationship. At this point, I had already decided I was going to leave. I decided that I was going to rent a place. This means I was going to physically leave and move out.
I had no idea how I was going to do this. I was in a relationship and at this point, things had become so volatile, so intense, my every move was being watched. I had no idea how I was going to escape out of the house along with all my stuff to escape to freedom.
I had to be out of my home in a short time frame, like 3 days and I was allowing fate or circumstances/the universe to get me out. I could plan as much as possible but there is a point where plans can go awry and it’s hard to plan past a certain point.
I did get out and it was one of the most intense events of my life. There were many events that transpired after the fact, but I remember the days where I had immense clarity on my situation. I remember when my resolve was birthed.
The line was crossed and there was no going back.
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Stress Overload
One thing that stood out to me and I remember sharing it with a friend at the time, was for months after I left, I felt malnourished. Never in my life prior did I feel this way. I was wiped out. I was on stress overload for a long time and when this happens, the body begins to break down.
Is Resolve the Birthplace for Change?
Now resolve is often the birthplace for change. What may also occur right before resolve is a breaking point. These two can go hand in hand.
I want to interject a statement that just having resolve will not get you out of a narcissistic relationship. Resolve may help, but it is not an easy challenge to go no contact and move forward. Please go easy on yourself if you are at this point.
My point is our mindset can help us to move forward to the next step but it is not the end-all, be-all. In addition, resolve may even move a person into a survival mentality.
What exactly is Resolve?
Here are a few things about resolve.
- It has to come from within.
- Resolve is a determination almost like a promise to perform an action.
- It comes from the gut.
- You cannot give resolve to another person.
- Many people will try to force upon you what they deem to be what you should do or say, or act like. But resolve cannot be given.
- It’s grit.
- It’s bravery.
- It’s intention.
- It comes from the heart.
- It is connected to willpower, determination, and perseverance.
- Resolve can be the beginning of change.
- Resolve has a layer of momentum built into it.
- Resolve may lead to a breakthrough.
Listen to your resolve. Give it room to grow.
Resolve helps to bring about the actions that come after a decision has been made.
Conclusion
Resolve, may often come at a point where we have had enough. We can no longer operate the way we are. Change needs to occur. Resolve can foster the beginning of a needed change.
Can you remember the steps you went through when you left a relationship that may been with a character that exemplified traits of narcissism? Was resolve involved?
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